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Wednesday, October 14, 2009
I'm sorry i am so mis-understood all the time.I'm actually sorry i lead such a sorry life. That no matter what, or how i say anything, only one, yes, only one single person seems to think the worst of me. Or maybe it isn't just one. (After finding out about how some others never thought well of me while having to pretend to do so) I'm sorry, Daddy and Mommy. I'm sorry your daughter had to grow up so much, only to be so spineless. And to have no pride; no guts, to even defend herself. No guts to even stand up to the evils, that always get me down. No guts, to even tell the one in the wrong, not to wrong me. No guts, to punish, and teach those who have bullied me so much, a lesson or two about life. No ability, to deny people of the chances they do NOT deserve, and forgiveness they never deserved, No heart to be angry with people when i should, No guts, to be angry at those who always INTENTIONALLY hurt, and treat my feelings like dirt. I'm sorry to have landed myself in such a state, being no less of a fool, a sucker. All these, i have been, and become. And try as i might, i still haven't found the courage, and pride that belonged to me. I lost them 2 years back, and never did find them again. I think they're never comin back, for in the first place, I was the one.. who abandoned my courage, pride, sense of justice, for this silly thing called LOVE. I'm probably the biggest joke that ever lived. And yet, i hang on.. loving someone who doesn't earnestly love me. and yet, i still love. Till i die from it, this is what i will keep doing.. Utter foolishness, i know. I'm sorry, i just can't help myself. If i could, i would erase every inch of you, from my life. But i couldnt, and this is my price to pay.. for being weak. |
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