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Tuesday, November 25, 2008
Why? Sometimes, I can't help but ask. Why does it, everything, come so easily for the many others, yet the opposite for me? In what ways do i not qualify for the same priviledges? Don't be mistaken, i'm no saddist, and i'm not gonna blame the skies and heavens cuz that'd only make me whiny, illogical and irritating. And it won't change a thing. I just wish someone could answer that. At the very least, so i've no reason to pity myself or even try to. Not that i'm pitying myself. I've grown to realize i'm actually a person with much resilience, and tolerance. And i'm thankful for that, for that has been the key thing that's been keeping me afloat all along, especially during tumultuous times. I wish i didn't have to fight so hard for the things that i want. Its fine to have to work for what one wants or needs, but why does it have to be such a struggle instead? Studies, and the financial help it needed, still needs (past, present) Family adoration - one lives to please, silver spoon in the mouth, the other has always spoken her mind, accepting failure or punishment as long as it deemed fair. The love of my life - I seem to have to fight so, so hard for the man in my life. For his attention, for his affection. For a space in his heart, and his mind. His love. Real, love. The hardest part was not knowing who i was/am fighting with, figures of his past, aqquaintances, and worst of all, strangers who kept coming in and out of his life, and plenty who still and will walk in to his life. Those who want a share of him, too. I feel fortunate, for after the ups and downs we've been through, he has learnt to do what he said he never tried to do before; to trust and love someone with his heart, not with just words. And to love himself, too. The only thing that's making everyday bearable, is the fact that HE, being who he is, has brought me much love and happiness, so much that i can't imagine a day without this wonderful man in my life. Him, my saving grace. You, sweetheart, are the reason why i don't pity myself. Because it is already one of the greatest blessings, to be able to love and be loved by you. One day, not too long ago, you walked into my life, and made me realize why it never worked out with anyone else. I LOVE YOU. |
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