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Thursday, July 17, 2008
Yesterday, while we were at Efren's place in the midst of chatting randomly, He highlighted something to me :" Dear, Efren also said that your face went/was black as we spoke about me training for the upcoming flaring competition that day at HongKong Cafe." I didn't deny and in fact, immediately admitted without hesitation to both him and Efren, that i was indeed, unhappy at that time with that SUDDEN and very last minute decision. I then followed with :" Yes, of course i was unhappy. What about his studies? He has quite a number of up and coming projects to complete, important ones at that." Efren then nodded silently, and we proceeded to other topics. Thankfully, Neither party took it to heart, as how adults would've conversed. =) Thing was, i couldn't help but feel a slight tinge of disappointment creeping up and seeping into my heart. If he could actually highlight it out to me in that manner (finding comfort in the fact that it was somesort unanimously "agreed" my face was black, and obvious i was mad, unhappy and etc), that means none of em' understood at all. Dear, I had to come across as the bad, not-very-understanding and somewhat unreasonable girlfriend, so that they would get the picture that "HEY look guys, his studies ARE WAY more important ya know, and its not that easy to juggle studies and this oh-so-sudden competition, unlike what u guys think! " Not that they didn't understand, and not that their intentions were bad, but i'm very, very sure they had intended for you to join the competition irregardless of whether u were physically or mentally prepared or not. especially IF it was possible to juggle the event, and schoolwork. This, you won't be able to deny. We even agreed while having our one to one talk in the car, that you did in fact feel , if not completely, slightly pressurised into taking part. Look at the way Botak put it across to you. Wasn't it meant to stir you inside, to in a way, coerce u into taking part, to make the sarcasm seem as subtle as possible, yet sound as sympathetic and understanding as he could? I'm not implying he's bad, no! Its just that It shouldn't be this way, right sweetheart? Besides, I know you too well. Being you, you'd only go for something/someone/whatever if you are more than 70% confident of getting it right, or at least, not making a fool of yourself. you know very well how you are SO particular about your image, and what people think of you. So why? Why didn't you speak up for me when u had found out that Efren too, agreed i was unhappy and all about you flaring for the competition? Instead, you even seeked to re-confirm with me that someone else had also, seen my expression, that i was angry, blah blah. I'm not angry that he knew about it, im not the slightest bit mindful if people were to start talking behind closed doors cuz of this incident and say i was not being very understanding, that why should i be angry about u flairing and all. Really. I'm more glad that i managed to bring to attention, that your project season was drawing near, not forgetting that since this, being your last and most crucial year, should have you full out and ready for serious studying. I wasn't offended by the confrontation, really. And dear of all people you should know me the best, i speak what i feel is right and aboveboard. And although i do sometimes whine (in the name of fun and purely just to tease you and end up stressing u sometimes - haa), i've never really gotten down to actually stopping you from doing things that u really wanna do, if u actually realise. Literally and physically PROHIBITING u. Never before, my dear. And i don't ever want to, unless it is life-threatening or of any danger and would hurt or endanger yourself, of course. Then, I'd strongly oppose. I'm not the least angry, honest. I'm just disappointed that there actually was a need for me to admit, and explain. It clearly showed what i had just mentioned, in this whole entry. i really wouldn't mind a little thank you sweet love, for helping you (though seemingly insignificant) out of what could've been, a potentially sticky situation. =) And i'm definitely glad u didn't walk outta it lookin like u wussed out. I'd never allow, and want anyone to say that about you.
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